Coburn Aide: If Boys Knew Porn Will Turn Them Gay, They Won't Want Playboy

This is blindness and hairy palms updated for the anti-gay agenda.

C'mon, Coburn do you think anyone is buying that?

Dear Mr. Schwartz:

Just because all YOUR porn is homosexual, it doesn't mean everyone else's is.

Someday we'll all look back on this and laugh.

Haven't we seen these values voters somewhere before. Weren't they in a Monty Python film?

BEDEVERE: Tell me. What do you do with witches?
...
CROWD: Burn! Burn them up! Burn!...
...
BEDEVERE: And what do you burn apart from witches?
...
VILLAGER #2: Wood!

BEDEVERE: So, why do witches burn?
...
VILLAGER #3: B--... 'cause they're made of... wood?
...
BEDEVERE: So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood?... Does wood sink in water?
...
VILLAGER #2: No, it floats! It floats!
...
BEDEVERE: What also floats in water?
...
ARTHUR: A duck!
CROWD: Oooh.
BEDEVERE: Exactly. So, logically...
VILLAGER #1: If... she... weighs... the same as a duck,... she's made of wood.
BEDEVERE: And therefore?
VILLAGER #2: A witch!

They run rings around us logically.

What's truly hilarious about this, and what shows their disingenuousness, is that if they truly wanted to shut Playboy down, they would simply call for a boycott. But that would smack of opposition to free markets and capitalism, and lead one on the road to socialism. Can't have that! LOL.

"And if you tell an 11-year-old boy about that, do you think he's going to want to get a copy of Playboy?"

Playboy? RUFKM? How much more fucking out-of-date could this guy be? I wouldn't have been caught dead with Playboy when I was 12. It was Penthouse or better.

This is the 21st century; they don't want Playboy, they want YouPorn.com or RedTube.com.

hrmmm....

Masturbation

???

Gay!

Oh man. I've been gay since I was 13. Don't tell my wife.

...I'd really like to see a disk image of Coburn's hard drive. If his colleagues are any indication then there's bound to be some interesting stuff to find there.

Pornography will make you stoopid.

Wow. I wonder if that human papilloma virus vaccine turns teenage girls into lesbians.

I take back everything I ever said about wishing the GOP could be made small enough to drag it to the bathtub and drown it.

We need these people around for comic relief.

Damn, you mean that if my father had done a better job of hiding his copies of Playboy, I would have never have "turned" gay? Man, if my parents had known that, they would have saved themselves a whole lot of emotional angst when I came out as a teenager...thank god they didn't know it then.

Who knew that Hugh Hefner was the leader of the Gay Agenda™?

Will gay porn turn gays straight?
I Weigel is right, gay men look at a lot of playboy mags.
Well, it's nice to know that straight porn doesn't cause men to become sex fiends out searching for women (like they said at the last value voter's conference).

You know what else makes you gay? Having hetero unmarried sex. And voting Democrat, that too. And watching any TV news station that isn't FOX.

I mean, c'mon Coburn, if you're in an inch, you should be in a mile. And I mean that in the most un-gay way. Say, when's the next Ted Haggard talk?

that if boys know pornography will make them gay, they'll never touch it, taking advantage of what Schwartz sees as a natural homophobia.

I'm surprised I haven't seen much written here on the "natural homophobia" comment. It's not homophobia which these boys have, it's fear of being labeled as homosexual.

It's the homosexualmisia which the right continues - which is implicit in Schwartz's comments - the hatred of homosexuals, their harassment, their persecution, their bashing. It's the right's belief that bullying will keep boys from being queer. That's why they insist that hate crimes shouldn't include sexual orientation.

This is what 11 year old boys are afraid of. And anyone who's been an 11-16 year old boy, and has seen what damage these bullying idjits can do, is afraid, and for good reason. See Shepard, Matthew.

And Mr. Schwartz feels no problem with channeling this. He should be subjected - just for one day - to the persecution that a gay boy (or one labeled as gay) has to endure.

Grrrr. Sorry. This thing really pisses me off.

This is what is called in polite circles "The Wide Stance On Pornography".

Being interested in girls will turn you gay?

Michael, honey, if you have to repress all sexual thoughts because if you don't then the thoughts start turning up gay, that means you're closeted.

"Hi, um, Senator, I'm an average mid-westerner and I was wondering if you could help make sure people have affordable health care and perhaps see to it that we get some regulations in place so we don't suffer another economic collapse. What's that? 'Don't beat off'? Righto, thanks."

This is Mr. Weigel's cover for when the story breaks about how he's been offering pornography to 11 year old boys. He was "doing research".

No political force on the face of the planet has the power or strength to eliminate centuries of natural instincts honed and refined and made stronger through evolutionary forces the power of which are beyond comprehension.

Take my advice, kiddies: In the battle between man and pornography, pornography will always win.

Am filing suit against Playboy, Hustler, et al later this month in Federal District Court, Oklahoma City on behalf of myself and all similarly situated fags

Well, back in the day we didn't have access to Playboy. However, we could always count on National Geographic to go to some tropical region and take pictures of topless native women. I guess that Nat'l Geo is part of the Great Homo Agenda. Time to start burning down libraries....

In watching this man talk about homosexuality and porn and listening to his voice, it almost sounded like he was enjoying talking about it. Maybe the man has a problem with his own sexuality. Sounded weird to me, let alone the absurdity of everything he said.

These people are frabbing crazy.

I really love porn and haven't had one urge to bang or be banged by a guy my whole depraved, raunchy sex filled life. But if I were gay, I'd be just as depraved as I am as a hetro.

Porn is to sex as degrees are to education.

We have beginner porn with the no show stuff. - High School.

We have x rated porn - some bush, nothing too off the top. - Bachelors Degree.

We have xx rated porn - lots of visuals, various positions some oral. - Masters Degree

We have xxx rated porn - lots of everything! Various positions, multiple partners, cameras in places and positions you just never thought possible. - PHD.

Then we have specialist in various sub categories. etc, etc....

We have xxx porn